Resistance Abridged
by Zac Attack
Summary: An abridged version of Resistance: Fall of Man, a mocking parody which attempts to condense the FPS down to a fraction of its former size and make it funny. Enjoy the satire and character exaggerations, and laugh at the situations and jokes.
1. Oh York and Grimsby, I hardly knew yee

**Resistance: Fall of the Abridged Series **

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**York**

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**Parker: **My name is Rachel Parker, and I am a Captain in the British Resistance despite the fact that this is 1950's England and sexual equality hasn't happened yet. Though I can't be certain, I believe it might be due to me sometimes going on long factual rants which tend to leave my superiors in a coma, but Father told me it just a coincidence, right before he jumped off a bridge.

**Parker: **Our story begins when the Chimera virus burst out of Russia, overcoming Germany, France and several other countries no one really cares about in just six weeks. This was terrible, and to illustrate how terrible it is I'm going to show you maps going black, which also conveniently lowers the animation budget. For a time we thought England was safe, but then our supply of tea and crumpets began to dwindle, and without them we could not stand against the Chimera. We abandoned the cities to the Chimera and retreated to scattered military bases and outposts. The Chimera had won…

**Parker: **Operation Super Secret Angel Swap was launched on the 11th of July 1951, and this is where the story truly begins.

* * *

_In Northern Command_

**British Military:** Well it would appear our convoy has been ambushed. Let us inform no one and let the Americans die.

_On board the US Aircraft Carrier_

**American Military:** Well it would appear that we are now about to confront an extremely dangerous alien menace. Let us inform no one and let our troops die.

_Riding in a VTOL_

**Hale:** Well it would appear I am a super soldier with a resistance to the virus. Let me inform no one and let both sides die.

* * *

_Inside just one of many VTOL's flying above York is Hale Hale, Carbine locked and loaded. _

**Hale:** Let's see, I have my generic helmet which I can lose when I need to distinguish myself from the other faceless drones, my trusty knife which I will never use, and a photo which will make me appear more likeable as a protagonist. Okay, I'm ready to go.

_With a roar the VTOL stops, and jumping onto the rope Hale rappels down _

**Hale:** Now if this game follows the typical FPS staples, all my allies should start dying off really quickly.

_Hearing a sound Hale looks up just in time to see a missile come out of nowhere and hit the VTOL_

**Hale:** Right on cue.

* * *

_Fighting through waves of Chimeran Hybrids, Hale and his allies advance into the streets of York, subjected to mortar attacks, ambushes, and the occasional bad joke._

**American Soldier 1:** Okay guys, what kind of Chimera plays cards? A Greyjack!

_Everyone groans, especially Hale_

_**Hale**_**:** That was awful.

**American Soldier 1:** Here's another one. What was the name of the soldier who took down a Goliath? David!

_The others groan even louder, Hale is attempting to lose himself in examining the local architecture_

**American Soldier 1:** You guys sound upset, _(Brightening)_ but I know how to cheer you up. What do you get when you cross...?

**Hale:** Look, I'm going to be honest, your jokes aren't funny, they suck.

**American Soldier 1: **You...you don't like them?

**Hale: **Well, it's just that...

**American Soldier 1: **_(Crying) _You're...you're so mean, all I wanted to was... waaaaaaah! _(Runs off screaming like a little girl)_

**Hale: **The Crawlers can't come soon enough.

**American Solider 2: **What?

**Hale: **Nothing.

* * *

_Moving out of the streets Hale slides into a dry creek bed, meeting up with another squad of allies. _

**American Soldier 1:** Sergeant! I'm surprised you made it this far, come on, Captain Winters wants us at the bus depot, double time.

**Hale:** Alright, let's move.

_The squad turns running_

**Hale:** Look while we have the time, do any of you guys have any last requests or dying wishes? Because you might want to say them now.

**American Solider 1:** What are you talking about?

**Hale:** Well people around me have a habit of dying, besides main characters anyway.

**American Soldier 2:** Don't be silly, we'll be fine

**American Soldier 3:** Yeah, nothing's going to happen to us. Hey you see that?

_Crawlers swarm the lot of them, the men clawing at them as they climb up their skin, but failing to keep them away._

**American Soldier 1:** The irony! _(Falling over)_

**American Soldier 2:** _(Clutching at his throat)_Who could have predicted this?

**Hale: **_(Knocking off his helmet as he collapses)_ Told you so.

* * *

_Vision hazy and the rest of the squad dead around him, Hale clambers back to his feet._

**Hale:** Well it looks like I've been infected again, which aside from violating the canon on how Crawlers don't go near the those already infected, has given me the biggest hangover since… well last week.

_Picking up his Carbine, Hale hears footsteps and spins around, seeing a Medic approaching him. _

**American Medic:** You alright sergeant?

_Hale looks at the pile of dead corpses around him, coughs up a Crawler and nods._

**American Medic:** Well I see there couldn't possibly be anything wrong here, let's get to the depot.

* * *

_Now on the streets, Hale jumped out of the battered Sabretooth tank he had been driving up till that point, entering the bus depot_

**Hale:** Man what a fast battle, almost like it never happened, like it was skipped over in favour of something more entertaining, how strange.

**American Soldier 1: **_(springing out from behind a corner)_ Halt, identify yourself!

**Hale: **Sergeant Hale, First Rangers.

**American Solider 1: **Great, you'll be here to see Captain Winters right? I'll take you to him. _(Moves to the staircase)_

**Hale: **_(Following)_Great, finally a normal soldier.

**American Solider 1: **Speaking of normal, just a word of warning. Captain Winters can be a little...scary at times. Kinda like Sergeant Johnson from Halo, only not... _(Tries to think of a word)_

**Hale: **(_Supplying one) _...Retarded?

**American Soldier 1: **Yeah we'll go with that.

_Reaching the top floor, the soldier opens the door for Hale, who steps inside to see Sergeant Winters holding a sniper rifle and berating two of his soldiers._

**Winters: ** Look I don't care what happens just damn well aim straight!

**American Soldier 2: **I'm trying sir, I'm trying.

**Winters: **Trying eh? _(And bringing up his gun shoots the soldier in the head)_ Well it looks like we have a sad case of friendly fire, anyone else care to 'try'?

**American Soldier 3: **_(Staring in shock)_ Sir....you can't do that!

**Winters: **I'm 43, have red hair and vote Republican. I can do whatever the hell I freaking want! _(And raising his gun a second time shoots the other man)_ Damn, more friendly fire, how am I going to motivate everyone without more soldiers to sacrifice?

_Suddenly looking up, Winters notices Hale and the other soldier at the doorway._

**Winters: **Why hello there!

_With a look of terror on his face Hale slams the door and locks it, bracing his shoulder against it just to make sure._

**Hale: "**A little scary?" You call that "a little scary?" Forget scary, he's insane!

**American Soldier 1: **Now, now, he only treats us like this because he cares.

**Winters: **_(Through the door) _Bring me cold coffee will you? Well I'm sure a little friendly fire will fix that up. _(Gunshots quickly following)_ You know actually on second taste this coffee is plenty warm, oh well. Where did those other two get to?

* * *

_Fighting for their lives amongst the buses and refuelling bays, the American Soldiers push back the Chimera, facing Hybrids and Sentry Guns in front and Winters behind._

**Winters: **_(Over the radio) _Okay boys, we need this depot as a landing zone, and you soldiers are going take it. You may all be incompetent, you may all be ugly, by god you're certainly stupid. But considering I sacrificed the rest of the men to motivate you, you're all I have left. Make me proud!

**Hale: **_(Firing his Carbine from behind cover) _I honestly don't know who I'm scared of more now, the Chimera or him.

**American Soldier 1: **Winters.

**American Soldier 3:**Winters for me.

**American Soldier 2: **I would have to go with Winters too.

**Hale: **_(Looking back at them) _I agree.

_Continuing the battle Hale takes back the depot bit by bit, aided by the other American Soldiers and some very explodable cars._

_**Hale: **__(Sighting along his Carbine) _Okay, what kind of car is that?

**American Soldier 2: **_(Looking through some binoculars) _Nissan!

**Hale: **_(Shoots the car, explosion killing all the Hybrids around it) _Okay,what about that one?

**American Soldier 2: **_(Bringing around his binoculars to see what car he is pointing too) _Ford!

**Hale: **_(Nodding in appreciation Hale holds his fire and moves on) _And that one?

**American Soldier 2: ** _(Once more using the binoculars) _Rover!

**Hale: **Oh hell yes! _(And empties the entire clip)_

* * *

_Depot taken and Chimera thrown back the Americans are able to bring in the armour, Captain Winters joining the men outside._

**Winters: ** Well fought. We might just hold this little piece of heaven. Toppazzinni sing to us the Republican National Anthem to celebrate.

**American Soldier 1: **_(Unsure)_ Don't you mean the US National Anthem sir?

**Winters: **I know what I said!

**American Soldiers 2:** _(Pointing upwards)_ Sir!

_**Winters: **_Incoming!

_Everyone looks up just in time to see the Spires, impacting with a thud, a barrel falling on Hale and pinning him to the ground in the chaos._

**Winters: **_(Lifting himself up from the ground) _Someone is going to get friendly fired for this!

_But the Crawlers swarm him before he gets his chance, everyone buried under thousands of the tiny insects._

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**Grimsby**

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**Parker: **We know from the craters Chimera ended the battle by launching spires, there is no defence against a spire attack, except maybe wearing a gas mask, but then you look like an idiot, so nobody does that. After the Spires are done releasing Crawlers, the Chimera send in Carriers, transporting the bodies to conversion centres. Hale was taken to one such centre in Grimsby, my convoy team and I were taken to the same place. We were captured uninfected, so we were put into makeshift pens until they could infect us. And yes that is horrible grammar, thank you for noticing.

**Parker: **The Grimsby conversion centre is built on top of an old fish cannery, networks of tubes transporting the bodies from one stage of conversion to another. Now I am about to give you a long and unnecessarily dark explanation about the conversation process including cacoons, birthing chambers and lots of other virus stuff so we can get an M rating, which will all be useless by the next game anyway. Actually now that I think about this, most of this game gets chucked out for the next one, I don't even get any long factual rants! What a world.

* * *

_Groaning, Hale slowly comes to, finding himself in a dark room in the fish canneries of Grimsby, deposited there like all the others. _

**Hale: **Another hangover? I've really got to stop drinking so much.

_Pulling himself to his knees, Hale suddenly realizes he is lying in a pile of naked soldiers, stripped to the waist._

**Hale: ** Oh god, we didn't!

_Panicking Hale backs away from them, bumping into the wall in the process, turning around to see two Menials. They are already busy attending to the bodies._

**Menial 1: ** Growl, hiss, growl _(How goes our work my friend?)_

**Menial 2: **Hiss, growl, growl _(Very good, I have helped remove the Chimeran virus from a dozen of them already, and the others remain clueless)_

**Menial 1:** Hiss, growl, hiss _(Excellent. Together we will bring down this conversion centre from the inside, and after we free the humans and develop a cure, we can then...)_

_Stepping out from behind the wall Hale raises his Carbine and shoots both Menials, moving into the next room._

**Hale: **Hmm I wonder what all that was about.

* * *

_Fighting through several more Menials, Hale comes into a new room, several cells built into wall, some of them occupied._

**British Soldier 1: **Oi! You tha, get ust to hell outta her!

**Hale: **Excuse me?

**British Soldier 2: **Quick, before tha soddin crawlers get ust!

**Hale: **I'm sorry was... was that meant to be a British accent? Because it sounded like one, only really, urgh.

**British Soldier 1:** Just frackkin sav us, oh no!

_The two are swarmed by crawlers, sending them into comas._

**Hale: **You totally deserve that for having such bad accents you know.

**Parker: **No wait, over here _(Waving her arms)_ I don't talk like some walking stereotype! The console, shoot the console!"

_Hale turns and does exactly as she says, destroying the console just seconds before it releases Crawlers into her cell._

**Parker: ** _(Panting)_ Thanks for that. I'm Parker.

**Hale: **Hey, Sergeant Hale, First Rangers.

**Parker: **_(Looking annoyed) _Yeah well I'm a Captain in the British Resistance, beat that!

**Hale: **Look can we work on getting you out of there? I could use some backup.

**Parker: **Actually I'll be going a different way _(And banging on the cell door releases the vent)_

**Hale: **How did you do that?

**Parker: **_(Peering into the vent) _Sorry Hale, looks like you'll have to find your own way out.

**Hale: **Seriously, how did you do that?

**Parker: **Bye! (And climbs into the vent, disappearing from sight.)

**Hale: **Well she was annoying. The only good thing about all this is that I'll likely never see her again and she'll play absolutely no further part in my life whatsoever.

**INSOMNIAC: **_(In a voice booming from above) _Don't count on it!

**Hale: **What?

**INSOMNIAC: **Nothing.

* * *

_Battling further Chimeran guards and crew, Hale pushes even deeper into the conversion centre._

**Hale:** Man this sure is easier with all these power cores lying around. _(Shooting at several as he talks)_ You'd think they would take better care of highly explodable and sensitive technology, next thing you know they'll be sticking them in the back of their spider tanks for some reason.

_Walking through another corridor Hale notices that a break room is to his right, and hesitates for a moment._

**Hale: **I probably should be getting out of here and liberating Britain. _(Then brightening)_ But how I am supposed to fight aliens on an empty stomach?

_Moving into the break room, Hale quickly looks for food amongst the fish cannery's supplies, disappointed to find nothing but well...fish, until he finds an envelope._

**Hale: **Hmm, what's this?

_Turning it over he sees the word 'Intel' in big black letters_

**Hale: **Oh.

_Opening the envelope he begins reading aloud. It is a recount of a man's incarnation in the conversion centre._

**Hale: **February 6th 1951 1720 hours. Captured with my buddy Steve during our patrol of Liverpool, brought in by Carriers and thrown in cells to be infected later. Steve holds hope for rescue, but I am more realistic, I know there is no escape.

**Hale: **February 6th 1951 1800 hours. Me and Steve are still trapped in this cell, and still no sign of rescue. I have created a sock puppet to pass the time, his name is Soxy, and he is a very good sock puppet, yes he is! Steve is giving me odd looks, but it's probably just because he didn't think to make a sock puppet first.

**Hale: **February 6th 1951 1830 hours. I fear for Steve's sanity, he says the lock may be rusted and he might be able to break it, but clearly he is deluded, there is no escape. Soxy and me both agree that the place is starting to get to Steve, he actually stared when I began eating pebbles! I pray for him.

**Hale: **February 6th 1951 1900 hours. Steve is gone, despite the best efforts of Soxy and me to convince him of his madness he broke down the lock and escaped. Worse, this can only be a sign of my own madness, clearly it is spreading. I have euthanized Soxy so he does not suffer, and I am planning to strangle myself with his body, farewell cruel world!

_Putting down the envelope, Hale finds a sock puppet inside, ripped in half._

**Hale: **Hehe Soxy.

* * *

_Back to pushing through the conversion centre, Hale begins to learn more about the Chimera._

**Hale:**_(Tapping the glass tubing as cacoons float past) _Man this is just getting disgusting.

**Parker: **_(Over the radio)_ Hale, I'm noticing more Hybrid patrols now, they must know I've escaped.

**Hale: **Gee thanks.

**Parker: **You should have gotten out of there by now anyway, what have you been doing?

**Hale: **_(Thinking of his rummage through the break room_) Uh...searching for...um Intel, yes Intel!

**Parker: **Well don't too much longer, I'm almost out.

**Hale:** I'll make it; I'm not exactly sitting on my ass here.

_Cutting the connection, Hale turns back to the glass tubing with the cacoons._

**Hale: **Yep, still disgusting.

* * *

_Coming out into the open, Hale breathes a sigh of relief as he leaves the fish cannery and conversion centre behind._

**Hale: **Man is it good to be out of there. _(Seeing something on the ground)_ Wait what's this?

_Walking forward Hale picks up what appear to be a spiky round sphere, examining it closely._

**Hale: **This is strange, is it some sort of grenade? (_Prodding the grenade with his finger, Hale jumps back as he pricks himself.) _Ouch! Who designed this? That really hur-

**Parker:** Sergeant be advised, the Chimera have set up a trap. They have Sentry Guns guarding the only route out!

**Hale: **And I bet you have a really good reason for why you can't help me. _(And spotting the first wave of Hybrids, hurls the grenade he had just picked up)_

_The grenade flies forward with perfect accuracy, strikes the lead Hybrid straight on the snout, falls to the ground and does...nothing._

**Hale: **Oh you have got to be kidding me.

_Growling the lead Hybrid picks up the grenade and is just about to return it in a more lethal style when suddenly it leaps back, finger pricked on one of the spikes. And falling to the ground, the grenade strikes and detonates, not a single Hybrid left alive._

**Hale: **Well that was anti-climatic. Guess that's the end of the chapter.


	2. Manchester, Nottingham, why so British?

**Manchester**

* * *

**Parker: **Escaping the conversion centre at Grimsby I was able to summon a rescue, flying into Chimera airspace was always dangerous, but we had to risk it, especially for ineffectual British captains like me and crazy American soldiers like Hale. After we were onboard I studied Hale for other signs of conversion, nervous movement, paranoia, though how a comatose soldier can be paranoid is beyond me, but nothing, just those golden eyes. Completely ignoring the fact that Hale might hold a cure for the Chimera virus and save millions of lives I quickly put us in route to Manchester, where I could throw him into the fight like any other expendable soldier.

**Parker: **The Resistance had been fighting a losing battle all day, trying to retake the convoy I had lost, and with Stalkers in the area the only way in was on foot, but not for me, because I am far too important and British to do something like that. Now where are those tea and crumpets?

* * *

_Seated amongst the confines of the VTOL, Hale takes a few moments to catch his breath as they approach their destination._

**Parker: **I'm sorry Hale, but I can't afford to risk you at Manchester. You're coming with me to Northern Command for debriefing.

**Hale: **That's good, I could use a rest, and I can tell you all I know about what happened at York and my resistance to the Chimera virus.

**Parker: **_(Sharing glances to the British soldiers to her left and right) _Quit being so stubborn Hale, you are not going to Manchester!

**Hale: **What the heck are going on about? I'm happy to go with you.

**Parker: **_(Holding a hand to her head) _Fine, if you feel you must go, then go, I won't stop you.

**Hale: **_(Crossing his arms)_ No.

_Clicking her fingers the British soldiers next to Parker jump on top of Hale, and after a second of struggle pick him up, and carrying him to the door throw him out._

**Parker: **I believe in you! _(Slamming the door shut)_

_

* * *

__Picking himself up from the ditch he had been forcefully ejected into, Hale stared up to find himself in the middle of a warzone._

**British Soldier 1: **_(Turning to see Hale) _Beauty, the American reinforcement is here!

**British Soldier 2: **Welcome to the end of the world!

**Hale: **_(Getting behind cover as bullets fly overhead) _You guys seem awfully cheerful.

**British Soldier 2: **Why shouldn't we be? There are almost fifty of us here, more than enough to take these Hybrids.

**British Soldier 2: **Yeah. It's not like a convenient wave of arterially will come out of nowhere and wipe most of us out. Hmm, what's that noise?

_With a low whining sound a convenient wave of arterially comes out of nowhere and wipes most of the soldiers out._

**Hale: **_(Looking around) _I am beginning to notice a pattern here.

* * *

_Continuing to fight with what few soldiers were left Hale pushes through the Chimera's ranks, fighting amongst the remains of Manchester._

**Hale: **_(Noticing a canister of green fluid on the ground) _Finally! _(And picking it up begins to gulp it down)_

**British Soldier 1: **Uh Sergeant? What are you doing?

**Hale: **_(Finishing) _What? I've been doing it since York.

**British Soldier 1: **So you've been finding glowing green liquid...

**Hale: **Yep.

**British Soldier 1: **...In alien containers...

**Hale: **Yep.

**British Soldier 1: **...And without knowing what it was or how it was made, you just decided to just pick it up off the ground and drink it?

**Hale: **_(Shrugging his shoulders) _It just seemed like the natural thing to do.

**British Soldier 1: **_(Licking his lips) _Can I have some?

**Hale: **Sure.

_Handing the soldier the bottle, the man takes a swig. Almost immediately he drops it, falling to the ground and seemingly having a seizure._

**Hale: **Damn, that stuff is dangerous. _(Prying the container from his fingers) _We'll really have to be careful about handling this stuff _(Draining the last few drops of glowing green) _I mean someone could really get hurt here!

* * *

_Busting down the door, Hale and others spread out as they enter Manchester Cathedral, looking for the supplies and weapons left there during the war._

**Hale: **_(Whistling) _Wow this is some building, I'm impressed.

**British Soldier 1: **_(Pulling out a piece of paper) _Did you know that construction of Manchester Cathedral began in 1421, was originally dedicated to St Mary, and is an excellent example of Gothic architecture?

**Hale: **_(Gasping in shock) _Really?

**British Soldier 2: **_(Pulling out his own piece of paper) _Yep. It also once served as a college and academy specialising in music. The average indoor temperature is a lovely 31 degrees Fahrenheit, and the rainfall for this region yearly is a fantastic 22.6 inches.

**Hale: **Wow, thanks guys. Now I know.

**British Soldier 1 & 2: **_(In unison) _And knowing is half the battle! _(Leapers seen creeping up behind them)_

_

* * *

__Alone, the rest of the soldiers torn apart in the Cathedral, Hale activates his radio, stumbling through the what appears to be the city park._

**Hale: **Parker? Anyone? I need a VTOL to pick me up, I'm the only one left.

**Parker: **Sorry Hale, we can't risk a pickup with a Stalker in the area, you have to go on.

**Hale: **Are you kidding? I'm being chased by giant alien wolves and being shot at through walls, how the hell am I supposed to get through that?

**Parker: **Don't forget the mines.

**Hale: **M...mines? _(And turns to see a string of Hedgehogs rising up out of the grass)_ Oh naturally.

_Screams of pain and bouts of swearing are the only thing which can be heard for a long time, in between the sounds of the mines going off anyway._

**Parker: **Hale? Hale are you there? _(A short pause) _Hale are you dead?

**Hale: **Frankly Parker, I almost wish I was.

* * *

_Keeping watch for the reinforcements Parker had promised him three hours ago, Captain Mitchell, suddenly finds his feet connecting not to the cold cobblestones, but something squishy._

**Mitchell: **Hmm, that's odd. The road isn't always this soft. Private!

**British Soldier 1: **_(Coming at his call) _Yes, Captain?

**Mitchell:** I am trying to walk here, and for some reason my foot seems unable to connect with the ground. Explain.

**British Soldier 1: **You appear to be standing on the body of some poor soldier who stumbled into the mines, sir.

**Mitchell: **Really, what does he look like?

**British Soldier 1: **Do I really have to tell you, sir?

**Mitchell: **We've been over this before, Private. My eyes are never to see the ground, it is unworthy.

**British Soldier 1: **Fine. _(Hale begins to stir)_ It looks like he's waking up.

**Mitchell: **Yes I can hear him from up here. It is quite annoying.

**British Soldier 1: **And?

**Mitchell: **And hurry up and get a gag. His unworthy sounds irritate my ears.

**British Soldier 1: **I think he needs a medic.

**Captain Mitchell:** I think you're beginning to irritate my ears too.

* * *

_The American having been carried back to base, Captain Mitchell is now briefing his men for the next attempt at retaking the convoy._

**Mitchell: **Okay soldiers, well I assume you are soldiers anyway, can't exactly look down can I? Anyway our job is to take this convoy, no matter what it took Parker said.

**British Soldier 1: **Parker, sir?

**Mitchell: **The one with all the factual ranting.

**British Soldier 1: **Oh, that Parker.

**Mitchell: **Anyway I can't see them myself, but my officers have reported large amounts of Chimeran Hybrids. Luckily we have analysed them and come up with very reliable intelligence on their tactics and way of fighting.

**British Soldier 2: **Great work, sir!

**British Soldier 1: **Yeah, awesome!

**Mitchell: **Our first discovery was that the Hybrids are quite literally glued to cover, no doubt because moving unnecessarily taxes their already limited mental capacity. They will not advance in any way unless scripted to, popping out of cover every few seconds to fire off shots, even if you are behind them.

**British Soldier 1: **Umm, okay.

**Mitchell: **Our second discovery was that despite Bullseyes having been observed as having a useful tag feature, the Hybrids do not seem to use it under any circumstances. We can only assume that budget cuts have forced the Chimera to drop the feature until Resistance 2, with Hale coincidentally picking up the one Bullseye which actually can tag.

**British Soldier 2: **And...and how are we supposed to beat them, sir?

**Mitchell: **Oh I sent that American Hale out there ten minutes ago. I expect we already have beaten them. Congratulations.

* * *

_Having beaten every Hybrid nearby along with the Stalker, Hale leans up against the remains of a destroyed car, catching his breath. Nearby Mitchell can be seen talking with Parker over the radio._

**Mitchell: **Site is secure, all Stalkers down.

**Parker: **_(Over the radio) _Parker here. We're in-bound. How many casualties?

**Mitchell: **That would require me to look down. So I'll just say none.

**Hale: **But sir, I did all the work. There were no casualties!

**Mitchell: **Oh will you shut up? I'm about this close to gagging you again, don't make me go get it.

_After several minutes of talking between the two over the radio, Mitchell cuts the connection. Hale approaches him again._

**Hale: **Uh, sir?

**Mitchell: **Oh what the hell do you want now?

**Hale:** That thing I just fought was called a Stalker right?

**Mitchell: **Yeah, so?

**Hale: **And it was a giant four legged spider mech which fired missiles from above?

**Mitchell: **What about it?

**Hale: **_(Scratching himself)_ I don't know, it just felt familiar somehow. Something about another universe with a cat, robot backpack and some sort of deadlock. I don't know.

_Meanwhile crawling from the wreckage of the Stalker and stumbling down an alleyway is one very angry Lombax and one very prissy sounding backpack._

**Ratchet: **We have a job for you Insomniac said. You can play a villain for once they said. You can use that cool tank from Deadlocked they said. I was lucky just to make it out of there alive!

**Clank: **At least we have each other Ratchet.

**Ratchet: **Oh will you shut up? The moment that becomes a consolation is the moment I turn you into a toaster and beat myself to death with it.

**Clank: **Sorry Ratchet.

**Ratchet: **Damn straight you are.

* * *

**Nottingham**

* * *

**Parker: **I picked up Hale after the mission, and with the Stalkers gone we airlifted the containment cell back to Northern Command. Despite the convoy already being ambushed once and Hale screaming out "The Destroyer is Manifest!" whenever he got too near the cell I was confident that it was contained. After all giant telepathic aliens are no match for our 14 inch lead walls, what was the worst which could happen?

**Parker: **Continuing to ignore Hale's importance my team were sent to Nottingham, and to show you this I'll put a red line leading from Manchester to Nottingham on this map. See? Clever. We were about to execute a very risky offensive operation, the Chimera had been using a network of underground tunnels to attack undetected, and also to swipe our tea and crumpet supplies. The tunnels formed a nexus in Nottingham, and if we sealed them, we would at least briefly gain the upper hand. Please note this is a species which dug under the channel in just a few weeks and has machines explicitly called Burrowers, for some reason I think we were wasting our time.

* * *

_Peeking around the corner of the tunnel, Hale can only stare as sentry guns and entrenched Hybrids meet the charging British Soldiers over the hills of Nottingham._

**Hale: **_(Shaking his head)_ How do I keep getting into these situations? _(Then he thinks of Parker) _Oh yeah.

_Targeting the Sentry Guns, Hale finds all his attacks against them useless, protected by metal and protective glass._

**Hale: **Damn. I wish I hadn't used all my Auger ammo on that Stalker. Guess I'm going to have to do this the hard way.

_Scrambling up the hill Hale charges, and doesn't last for five seconds before he dies, Hybrids tea bagging his corpse. And then suddenly he's alive again._

**Hale: **Second time's a charm?

_Scrambling up the hill Hale charges, and this time lasts for ten seconds before he dies, Hybrids again tea bagging his corpse. Then he's alive._

**Hale: **Sooner or later.

_Scrambling up the hill Hale charges, and manages to survive fifteen seconds, Hybrids tea bagging harder than ever. It takes him about another six respawns before he finally wins._

**Hale: **Why on earth did I put this on Hard Difficulty?

* * *

_Having cut his way past the Sentry Guns and trenches, Hale is standing right outside the building housing the Chimera mortar batteries. _

**Hale: **Okay, time to take out these mortars. But the door is locked, and blowing it up is far too logical for an FPS. I need to trick them into opening it.

_Walking up to the door, Hale pulls back his hand, narrows his eyes, readies himself, and finally with great power... knocks politely and is let in. After which he butchers every Chimera on the first floor. _

**Hale:** My cunning strategy worked! But woe is me, now they have blocked the stairs, and they won't fall for the same trick twice. I'll have to be even trickier this time

_Walking up to the stairs, Hale reaches into his pocket, puts a cigarette in his mouth, lights it and then taking a deep breath...asks if anyone would like a cigarette. They let him in, and once more he butchers every Chimera inside._

**Hale: **Note to self: being polite opens doors, and apparently nicotine as well. Also, second note to self: get a therapist; I talk to myself far too much.

_Suddenly one of the Menials corpses falls from where Hale had killed it near the cannons, and in its slump hits a switch. The mortar firing one final shell flying up into the sky and...not coming down._

**Parker: **_(Over the radio)_ Hale, we just detected one last shot from the mortars. What is happening?

**Hale: **I don't know. But it'll probably be really funny later on.

* * *

_Having travelled through a long dark tunnel and faced a Titan, Hale has finally reached K Troop, which he is apparently supposed to meet up with. He approaches two snipers._

**British Soldier 1: **Grab a Fareye mate; we need all the help we can get.

**Hale: **_(Picking up one of the sniper rifles) _Wow, nice.

**British Soldier 2: **Yeah, it's kinda like the sniper rifle from Halo, only not... _(Tries to think of a word)_

**Hale:** _(Supplying one) ..._Retarded?

**British Soldier 1: **Yeah we'll go with that. Now brace it against your shoulder, use the scope to acquire far off targets, and if you focus, you can slow down time.

**Hale: **Alright, sounds like...wait, slow down time?

**British Soldier 2: **Yeah, but only for five seconds, because then you have to recharge your focus.

**Hale: **That is at the same time the stupidest and most awesome thing I have ever heard.

* * *

_Finally having fought through several more waves of Chimera, a soldier is taking Hale to meet Lieutenant Cartwright._

**Hale: **_(Looking a little awkward)_ So...what's this Lieutenant Cartwright like? My experiences with military officers so far have not exactly been great ones.

**British Soldier 1: **Oh he is amazing; I'm surprised you haven't heard of him. He's been a legend in the British Resistance since the beginning.

**Hale: **_(Generally surprised) _Wow, really?

**British Soldier 1: **Yeah. I heard that he once killed six Chimera with the same bullet!

**Hale: **Umm, are you sur...

**British Soldier 2: **_(Hearing them as they walk past) _No it was eleven Chimera, and half of them were headshots!

**Hale: **Now come on, that can't be...

**British Soldier 3: **_(Looking up as they approached) _No it was twenty Chimera, all headshots, while he scored with two hot chicks!

**Hale: **_(Putting up his arms) _Okay, sorry, but this has got to be exaggeration. There's simply no way one man could do all that.

_Turning a corner Hale finds Cartwright, leaning against the wall casually as his sniper rifle claimes Hybrid after Hybrid, dozens of their corpses lying at his feet. He wasn't even paying attention either, focusing on something closer at hand._

**Cartwright: **Why hello there beautiful. _(Talking to a nearby female officer)_ How would you like to come to my place tonig... excuse me for a moment.

_Turning Cartwright decapitates a Hybrid with his knife, ramming his Fareye through the mouth of another, and shooting through its body to headshot one more off in the distance._

**Cartwright: **Now where were we? Oh yeah, anyway tonight...

_About 20 feet away Hale is staring with his mouth open; the soldiers around him all stare at him accusingly._

**Hale: **_(Putting up his hands) _Okay, okay, the man is good.

* * *

_Moving across the pylons as the British forces below fight to seal off the tunnels, Hale finally reaches his destination. Now above the last of the tunnels, he jumps into the fan lift. _

**Hale: **Weeeeee! _(Landing on the ground) _Okay time to take this nexus, bring it on!

_Hearing this a Chimeran Titan steps out from behind the hill in front of him, staring at Hale as it charges its cannon._

**Hale: **Damn it, damn it, damn it! _(Jumping behind the base of the pylon) _How the heck am I supposed to beat this thing?

_Titan pounding his position with its cannon, Hale fights back with everything he has, barely seeming to touch the massive Chimera. _

**Hale: **Not good, I can't beat him. This looks like the end.

_About to step out and have one last trade off with the Titan, Hale suddenly stops as he hears a whistling sound, becoming louder every second. It sort of sounds like... artillery?_

**Hale: **_(Staring at the exploded remains of the Chimera)_ Well what do you know? That was pretty funny.

_

* * *

__Having moved past the smoking remains of the Titan, Hale begins working on the job of sealing up the tunnel with a few handy explosives. Cartwright is talking to him as he works._

**Cartwright: **_(Over the radio)_ Damn, took it down singlehandedly!

**Hale: **Yeah, I know. Amazing right?

**Cartwright: **More like costly. I lost twenty quid thanks to your survival.

**Hale: **You...you bet money on my life?

**Cartwright: **Yeah.

**Hale: **Why you... hold on someone else is trying to talk to me.

**British Soldier 1: **_(Over the radio) _Sorry to interrupt Hale, but I thought it best to contact you on another frequency. I'm that guy you talked to before?

**Hale: **British Soldier 1?

**British Soldier 1: **Yep that's me. Anyway just wanted to warn you that while Cartwright is a living legend, he does have problems, or rather one big problem.

**Hale: **You don't have to tell me, he just bet twenty bucks on whether I lived or died!

**British Soldier 1: **That's what I'm talking about. Cartwright has this obsession with gambling. He'll take any bet, anytime, anywhere.

**Hale: **Hmm _(Changing frequencies) _Hey Cartwright, bet you ten that you can't jump off one of those pylons without breaking your legs. _(A pause) _Cartwright?

_In the distance screaming can be heard, followed by a crack and a thud. Then laughing, suddenly the radio comes back on._

**Cartwright:** In your face Hale, I only broke my arm and three ribs!


	3. Cheshire and Somerset, needs more music

**Before beginning Chapter 3 of Resistance Abridged, I would just like to mention how sorry I am that this took as long as it did. Lots of other projects kept demanding my attention, but that's really no excuse. Anyway, thank you to anyone who waited and is reading this now, and I hope you enjoy this. Feel free to criticise and tell what you find funny and what you dislike, as I tried a few new things with this chapter, and would like to hear impressions. Have fun!**

**

* * *

**

**Cheshire**

**

* * *

**

**Parker: **After a long battle the operation at Nottingham was deemed a success, though despite my best efforts Hale had still not been sacrificed for the greater good. I eventually found him helping Cartwright back to the VTOL's, the Lieutenant somehow having managed to break both his arm and three ribs. I immediately ordered for him to be treated, but it was quite some time before anything was actually done, Cartwright seducing any nurse or medic which came near him. Strangely enough, not all of them were women...

**Parker: **Mentioning Southern Command in passing so that we can use that for a level later, I decided to bring Hale to Northern Command in Cheshire to be debriefed. Some might think that it's a bad idea to bring someone obviously infected with the Chimeran virus into close proximity with an Angel, but I had faith in the 14 inch lead walls of that containment cell, they hadn't failed us yet. Ignoring the lack of radio response, absence of human life and a big sign saying "The Chimera are here!" Me, Hale and the soldiers were caught completely by surprise when we found Northern Command overrun. What a huge and unforeseeable plot twist!

* * *

_Uneasily proceeding through the tunnels of the base, Hale and the others glance left and right nervously as they continue to find the place empty. For Hale the final confirmation comes as they approach the body of a British soldier, dead on the floor._

**Hale: **Okay that's far enough. No one here is alive and the Chimera have clearly taken the place over, let's go.

**Parker: **We don't know that for sure! Everyone could be out getting coffee for all we know!

**British Soldier 1: **All eight thousand of them.

**British Soldier 2: **At the same time.

**Hale: **_(Angry)_ Coffee, coffee? _(Grabbing Parker and making her look at the corpse)_ Does he look like he's getting coffee to you?

**Parker: **It's probably a coincidence; he probably had a heart defect or something.

**Hale: **And the look of absolute terror on his face?

**Parker: **Obviously from him dying before he could get any coffee.

_Suddenly the tunnel around them shakes, a great groaning noise coming from above as cracks begin to appear, plaster and mortar already falling._

**Hale: **The tunnel is about to cave in isn't it?

**British Soldier 2: **Yep.

**Hale: **I'm going to get separated from the rest of you aren't I?

**British Soldier 1: **Looks that way.

**Hale: **I'll have to fight on alone, through a level full of Chimera and creepy music.

**Parker: **I believe in yo...

**Hale: **Shut it.

_On cue the tunnel collapses above them, several tons of rock and concrete separating Hale from the others, leaving him with nothing but a lungful of dust and the Chimera closing in._

_

* * *

_

_Fighting through such important areas as the cafeteria and the broom closet, Hale continues through Northern Command, trying his best to find a way out._

**Hale: **Okay this isn't so bad. I've only gone mildly insane from the crushing loneliness and impenetrable darkness, and I don't even have to deal with Parker. I should do this more often.

_It was at this moment that a shadow flashed across the corridor before him, dramatic violin chords accompanying it._

**Hale: **_(Panicking)_ Oh god what was that? I've changed my mind; I want to get out of here.

_Slowly continuing, Hale found himself haunted by the shadow, it always darting across the tunnels in front of him, never quite visible._

**Hale: **Damn, where is it now? This couldn't get any worse!

_Suddenly an immense groan passed through the tunnel around him, and roaring a Burrower bursts through the wall ahead of him, burying him beneath the debris as it escaped out the other side._

**Hale: **Why does this keep happening to me?

* * *

_Having pulled free of the wreckage and found the shadow to be nothing more than an anorexic Chimera in a gimp suit, Hale finds himself stumbling across the generator room._

**Hale: **Okay restoring power to Northern Command is probably a good step to fixing this mess. But how do I go about doing that?

_Finding a convenient manual on the ground, Hale picks it up and begins browsing through the Index. After several moments he flicks to chapter 11. "So the Chimera have invaded your base?"_

**Hale: **Okay so if I turn this lever here, hit that button there, and twist this knob here, then that should do it.

_Performing each action as he read it out, the room surged to life, as opposed to exploding as Hale had expected._

**Hale: **Wow that actually worked pretty well. I wonder if there's anything else useful in this thing.

_Again opening up the manual, Hale turns to chapter 12. "And now there's an Angel trying to get inside your head..."_

_

* * *

_

_Far above the tunnels of Northern Command, sitting in a chair humming to herself happily was Parker, trying to figure out the crossword puzzle for her newspaper._

**Parker: **Ah, logic, my old nemesis _(Seeing Cartwright approach)_ Oh Cartwright, quickly, what is an eleven letter word for useless? It's so very hard to pick just one.

**Cartwright: **Actually Parker I'm here expressing some concerns from the troops. They're starting to wonder why we're out here instead of inside Northern Command, dealing with the Chimera.

**Parker: **Hale can handle it. And wasn't your arm broken?

**Cartwright: **As if those injuries could ever keep down the legend of the British Resistance. I was back up and seducing girls hours ago.

**Parker: **About that Cartwright, I've always meant to ask. I'm a woman.

**Cartwright: **I am aware.

**Parker: **And yet you've never...

**Cartwright: **No.

**Parker: **So there's no chance...

**Cartwright: **No.

**Parker: **Even if I...

**Cartwright: **No.

**Parker: **...

**Cartwright: **Well this is awkwa...

**Parker: **_(Interrupting him)_ I bet you forty dollars you can't lead a suicidal mission into Chimeran territory to track down the origin of this attack.

**Cartwright: **Now, now Parker, I'm not that easy to trick. You'll have to try much harder than that to...

**Parker: **Fifty.

**Cartwright: **_(After a slight pause) _...Damn you.

* * *

_Back in the tunnels, Hale leaves the now windowless science labs of Northern Command, having shot out every piece of glass he could see in his quest for a skill point._

**Hale: **And I still didn't get it. Insomniac screwed me over!

**INSOMNIAC: **_(Voice seeming to come from all around him_) What was that?

**Hale: **Nothing!

_Door opening up before him, Hale finds himself in an oval shaped room, machinery and wires everywhere. That wasn't what surprised him though, that was reserved for the Greyjack lifting up a soldier in the centre._

**Hale: **_(Sarcastically)_ Do I need to leave you two alone?

**British Soldier 1: **_(Desperate) _Please help me! There so many things I never got the chance to do. I never let my girlfriend know I love her! I never got to see Venice! I never even got the chance to...

**Hale: **_(Shooting the long limbed Chimera)_ Okay I'm going to cut you off right there_._ You alright?

**British Soldier 1: **Apart from being British? Sure.

_Suddenly a series of tubes begin popping up all around them, glass walls of each revealing their contents, more Greyjacks, appropriately dark music again beginning to play_

**British Soldier 1: **Though that may change soon.

**Hale: **Alright whose bright idea was it to keep live specimens on base? I mean one is risky, but twelve is just asking for something to go wrong.

**British Soldier 1: **Should we blame Parker?

**Hale: **I think it kind of goes without saying at this point.

* * *

_Panting Hale stands over the bodies of the Hybrids, Burrower lying motionless behind them. It had been a long battle, but now it was finally over, just him and the Angel._

**Hale: **_(Looking at the containment cell) _Now, there's plenty of ways to end all this, but considering I'm American, I think I want to shoot something.

_Hitting a button and loading a fresh clip Hale walks up to the cell, looking for the Chimera contained inside._

**Hale: **Come on, where are you?

_And then suddenly it was there, shattering the glass between them with a roar. It was fearsome, it was controlling his mind, and yet the confrontation between Hale and the Angel basically amounted to..._

**Angel: **Blarg!

**Hale: **Aaaahhhh!

**Angel: **Blarg!

**Hale: **Aaaahhhh!

**Angel: **Blarg!

**Hale: **Aaaahhhh!

**Angel: **Blarg!

**Hale: **Oh screw it! _(And raising his Carbine unloads into the Chimera)_

_

* * *

_

**Somerset**

* * *

**Parker: **After a long wait and three more crossword puzzles Hale finally emerged from Northern Command. Looking at his face I knew there was no point in asking, if Hale was alive, then the Angel was dead, no chance at all that they had simply failed to come across one another. Examining the Sergeant further I noticed yet more signs of the conversion process, unnatural quickness, rapid healing, four extra eyes. Though that last one may have just been wishful thinking on my part.

**Parker: **Hale left as quickly as he arrived, heading off to find out what had happened to Cartwright after he failed to report in. I have no idea why he was in such a hurry; it's almost as if he was trying to get away from someone. Incidentally I spent the few moments Hale was here following him around, telling him all the illogical and dangerous plans I had in store for him, and also that he smelt like cookies. I coped with his absence like any other normal human being, by which I mean I factually ranted at everyone in a 500 metre radius until they frothed at the mouth and collapsed.

* * *

_Landing amongst the shrubbery and grass of the small country town, Hale looked up at as the VTOL disappeared above him. _

**Hale: **Can't believe I'm out here in the middle of nowhere looking for Cartwright. I could be doing so many more important things, like getting some sleep. I've been awake for over two days straight now, it's a miracle I can still hold my gun straight.

_Beginning to explore Somerset, Hale was surprised to find a body, black armoured and wearing a mask, the likes of which he had never seen before._

**Hale: **_(Picking up the Hailstorm next to him) _Sorry friend, but if you died with this then you probably deserved it. This thing looks like a beast.

_Getting up Hale turns to walk away, only to nearly shoot himself in the face as a hand grabs his ankle. It was the soldier, and he wasn't quite dead._

**Black Op 1: **Orders...Insomniac...capture...you...purple... monkey...dishwasher.

**Hale: **What is it? What are you trying to say?

**Black Op 1: **Too...late...must...get ready...to die...dramatically...farewell. _(Keels over)_

**Hale: ** No! Don't you die on me! Tell me what you know and then die on me! _(Dropping the corpse)_ Jerk.

* * *

_Having fought his way through, Hale busts into the house, only to find Cartwright, kneeling over the bodies of his squad, all of them dead._

**Hale: **I'm sorry for your loss.

**Cartwright: **I never should have brought them along, they never stood a chance. They weren't even main characters.

**Hale: **How did this happen anyway? I thought you were the guy who could headshot twenty Chimera with one bullet?

**Cartwright: **The Chimera can be tricky. Have you seen those anorexic gimps they have? I was caught completely off guard by their ability to jump between the same two or three spots.

**Hale: **They have the bodies of malnourished teenagers! I defeated five of them myself on the way here!

**Cartwright: **Look if you stop making a big deal out of my squad sucking I'll let you drive the awesome jeep out back. Deal?

**Hale: **_(Sigh)_...Deal.

* * *

_Out the back of the building Cartwright is looking for the keys of his vehicle, giving a rundown of its capabilities as he searched._

**Cartwright: **We call it the LYNX. It has a reinforced chassis, four wheel drive, a high powered turret and a top speed of almost 60 kilometres an hour. What do you think?

**Hale: **Not bad, not bad at all. It kind of reminds me of the Warthog from Halo, only not...

**Master Chief: **No, just no! This stops right now!

_Turning around, Hale is surprised to see a green armoured figure approaching him, visor covering his face and some kind of energy sword in his hand._

**Master Chief: **Hale, in response to these persistent and unfunny attacks on Halo, I am here to serve you with a cease and desist order.

**Hale: **_(Given a document)_ You can't be serious.

**Master Chief: **Oh but we are. Stop the slander or Microsoft will see you in court.

**Hale: **You'll sue me?

**Cartwright: **_(Hand raised)_ May I just say that I have no idea what is going on here?

**Master Chief: **Quiet you. Now Hale, what is your response?

**Hale: **My response _(Bringing up his Carbine) _Is to kick your ass!

* * *

_Hale up front driving and Cartwright manning the turret in the back, the LYNX sped away from the small country town. Finally Cartwright broke the silence._

**Cartwright: **You know you have to give the guy props for...

**Hale: **I don't want to talk about it.

**Cartwright: **Well yeah, but when he shot you in the knee did you...

**Hale: **Cartwright, I really don't want to talk about it.

**Cartwright: **Okay, fine. But I'm turning on the radio; do you want rock or jazz?

**Hale: **Jazz.

**Cartwright: **You just got curb stomped by Master Chief, so no.

**Hale: **Then why did you even ask?

**Cartwright: **Because something that funny should never be brought up just once.

* * *

_Now deep into the wilderness, the jeep stands under the shade of a tree, hood open, Hale bent over the engine as he examined it. _

**Hale: **I'm telling you Cartwright there's nothing wrong. I don't know why you had me pull over.

**Cartwright:** _(Eyes running appreciatively over the back of Hale)_ Well I sure do.

**Hale: **What was that?

**Cartwright: **Nothing. Maybe if you look up the back?

**Hale: **_(Doing as Cartwright directed)_ Alright, it's really hot up here. I'm getting all sweaty.

**Cartwright: **_(Taking pictures)_ You're not the only one.

**Hale: **What?

**Cartwright: **Nothing. _(Putting away the camera)_Actually I think you just fixed it, let's go. We have to sweep the rest of Cheddar Gorge.

**Hale:** _(Closing the hood)_ Cheddar Gorge? Is that where we are?

**Cartwright: **Yes, and if you make even one cheese related joke I will end you.

* * *

_Having reached and passed through the Chimeran factories, Hale and Cartwright now lay flat as they gazed over the hilltop, a massive alien structure filling their vision. _

**Cartwright: **Using my massive knowledge of geology which I just made up this moment, I can tell that this tower was not constructed, it was excavated.

**Hale: **Using my similarly massive knowledge of geology, I agree.

_Suddenly Hale clutches his head, the Angel inside the tower sensing him and trying to get inside his head. Screaming a single syllable as he sought to resist it._

**Angel: **Blarg!

_Shaking himself, Hale manages to throw off the Chimera's influence, and together with Cartwright gets up. The Lieutenant notices something is wrong._

**Cartwright: **Are you alright?

**Hale: **Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just losing my humanity to a giant telepathic alien, feeling a bit sleepy, the usual. You?

* * *

_Back on the outskirts of the factories, Hale and Cartwright are preparing to depart in the LYNX with this plot driving information._

**Cartwright: **You know it sure is strange that the Chimera left the jeep alone while we wrecked their base. I mean it was right here the whole time; I didn't even remove the keys.

**Hale: **Yeah, I've found its best not to question stuff like that.

**Cartwright: **Hang on, I just thought of something. We tracked the Chimera to that tower right?

**Hale: **I guess.

**Cartwright: **This mission was a success right?

**Hale: **If you count getting your team killed as success.

**Cartwright **Don't you realise what this means?

**Hale: **No.

**Cartwright: **_(Throwing up his arms)_ I just won fifty bucks!

* * *

_Somewhere in the state of California, Insomniac Games Headquarters stood tall. At the very peak of the building, sitting in his office was the CEO, Ted Price, staring at the television screen before him with displeasure._

**Ted Price: **I am only going to ask you this one more time, my minion. Have your Black Op agents secured Hale or not?

**Black Op 1: **_(On the screen)_ Well sir...no. You see we...

**Ted Price: **Wrong answer. _(The man suddenly grasping his throat as if choked)_ Feel the power of the Dark Side of game development!

**Black Op 1: **But...you said...

**Ted Price: **I am altering the deal; pray I do not alter it further.

_Gasping for air the minion collapses, off screen as he died. Almost immediately a new Black Op rushed to take his place._

**Ted Price: **Hale is vital to my vaguely established evil plans; he is to be captured at all costs. Do not fail me as your predecessor has done.

**Black Op 2: **_(Shaking)_ Yes sir!

_Cutting the connection Ted Price suddenly leans back his head and laughs, filling the offices and hallways of Insomniac Games with his voice. Hale had no idea what he was dealing with._


	4. Bristol and Bracknell, ode to ice cream!

**Bristol**

**

* * *

**

**Parker: **With Northern Command in ruins, most of it thanks to me, I set out with the rest of the soldiers for Southern Command, down in Bristol. It was a long and arduous journey, some men died, others were injured, and I only got two servings of ice cream for dessert. But I believed in leading my men by example, and so I continued on. Finally reaching the base, those who were infinitely more qualified and competent than me wanted to take command, but I wasn't having any of that and locked them all outside.

**Parker: **Shortly after Southern Command came under assault from the Chimera, and without an American to save us our thousands of soldiers were helpless. I later found out that a nearby tower had been discovered by Hale and Cartwright, and that in retaliation the Chimera had assembled a strike force, found the LYNX carrying the two soldiers, gotten ahead of them, discovered Southern Command and then attacked it, all in the space of an hour. Apparently keeping a schedule is important when you're taking over the world.

* * *

_LYNX slowly coming to a stop, Hale and Cartwright stare at the mess before them. Chimera tearing through bunkers, soldiers and anything else in their path, all in the dead of night._

**Cartwright: **Damn it, they're attacking Southern Command!

**Hale: **Southern Command?

**Cartwright: **Yeah, kind of like Northern Command, only you know ... Southern.

**Hale: **I see, very creative naming scheme you've got there. What's next, Central Command?

**Cartwright: **There was a Central Command in London. Tens of thousands of soldiers were wiped out there at the beginning of the war by the Chimera. Some dead, more infected they fought to the last man, buying time for the civilians to evacuate and the rest of the military to organize itself. They died as heroes.

**Hale: **...

**Cartwright: **...

**Hale: **I feel sad now.

**Cartwright: **So you should, now get out. _(And raising a boot kicks the Sergeant from the LYNX) _Hope you like walking.

**Hale: **What the hell? How are you even going to drive that thing without me?

**Cartwright: **Oh I've already replaced you. Isn't that right British Soldier 1?

**British Soldier 1: **_(Popping into existence) _Yes, sir.

_Looking at them in disbelief, Hale can only watch as Cartwright and his replacement speed off, shooting and running down Chimera as they please. Leaving Hale all by himself._

**Hale: **My only consolation is that I siphoned off fuel when Cartwright wasn't looking.

* * *

_Cresting the top of a hillside, Hale watches as scores of British soldiers do battle with scores of Chimera. Needless to say it is not going well. _

**British Soldier 1: **Watch out, Hybrids!

**British Soldier 2: **Over there, Leapers!

**British Soldier 3: **There's a Titan coming through the gate, concentrate your fire!

**Hale:** You know I'm really starting to wonder who names the types of Chimera. Is it just whoever discovers them?

**British Soldier 2: **They're everywhere!

**Hale:**I mean you almost have a theme going. Like the Hybrids and Steelheads, where it seems like you're naming them after what they are. But then you start naming them for what they do, like Leapers or Howlers, which is something else entirely.

**British Soldier 1: **The pain!

**Hale:**And what is up with all the mythology references? Titans, Goliaths, would it kill you guys to be consistent?

_Suddenly looking up, Hale can see from the hill that that the battle is over, corpses of the soldiers strewn everywhere._

**Hale: **Oh, well never mind then.

* * *

_Finishing off the last of the enemies before him, Hale wipes sweat from his brow as he looks up at the entrance to Southern Command. Slowly Cartwright comes into view, still in the LYNX. Hale notices the empty seat._

**Hale: **Where's your boyfriend?

**Cartwright: **How on earth did you kno ... oh you meant that as a joke.

**Hale: **Yeah. What did you think I meant?

**Cartwright: **I'd rather not explain. _(Pointing)_ Anyway someone stole all our fuel, so the other guy is up back pushing.

**Hale: **How about that. Anyway I'd better be getting inside the base.

**Cartwright: **Be careful in there Sergeant. I don't want your death on my conscience.

**Hale: **What is this Call of Duty? Do I have the words Captain Price written on me anywhere? No way would I be killed off this early in the game.

**Cartwright: **Yeah you're probably right.

**Hale: ** I mean could you imagine it? Killing off the main protagonist?

**Cartwright: **Yeah.

**Hale: **Like that would ever happen.

**Cartwright: **Totally.

**Hale: **And definitely not in the sequel either.

**Cartwright: **Absolutely not.

**Hale: **...

**Cartwright: **...

**Hale: **I'm doomed aren't I?

**Cartwright: **You might as well be in the coffin already.

* * *

_The doors of Southern Command having chosen to close right behind him, Hale continues on his own through the base._

**Hale: **Well this is rather uninteresting. I wonder if there's any Intel around here.

_Sure enough at that very moment his foot falls on paper, a big paper envelope pressed beneath his boot._

**Hale: **They really have got to get better at disguising these things

_Turning it over he finds the words 'Definitely not Intel' in big black letters printed on the front._

**Hale: **Well that's progress I suppose. Better see what this is about.

**Hale: **_(Reading aloud)_ Broadcast Standards Guide.

**Hale: **Encourage listeners. Use words like Hope, Victory, and Freedom. For example "Hey Jerry, I sure _hope_ the Chimera don't massacre us all!" Or perhaps "Hello Bob, looks like another _victory _for the Chimera, _freedom_ is lost!"

**Hale: **Mention how the citizens of Britain are relying on them, the ones which are left anyway. Tell them that they carry the hope of a better tomorrow, not that they're going to buy that. Don't list casualty figures, just general descriptions of the horrors and atrocities will suffice.

**Hale: **Also don't forget to promote Ford Motor Company, we have an advertising deal.

* * *

_Back outside of the base, Cartwright is organising the men. Suddenly Parker is by his side, a bowl of ice cream in hand. _

**Parker: **So I see you somehow survived that suicide mission I sent you on.

**Cartwright:** Yeah, and you owe me fifty bucks for that. And where the hell did you get that ice cream?

**Parker: **I've shared many secrets with you over our years of service Cartwright. But some I must take to the grave with me.

**Cartwright: **Such as the location of your secret ice cream stash?

**Parker: **Such as the location of my secret ice cream stash, yes.

_Turning away, Cartwright tries to ignore her as he continues to organise the soldiers. Following him everywhere, nothing can be heard from her but the endless sounds of chewing. Finally he snaps._

**Cartwright: **So was there a point to you coming over to talk to me?

**Parker: **Well now that you mention it the Chimera actually have infiltrated our hanger and are taking out the transports. But I have a plan.

**Cartwright: **And that plan involves?

**Parker: **Only one man is able to deal with such a threat.

**Cartwright: **Do you mean Hale? He's already inside.

**Parker: **Only one man can combat the alien hordes we face.

**Cartwright: **It's obviously Hale, why are you treating this as a surprise?

_Suddenly a drum roll starts, several spotlights appear and confetti begins falling from the sky. And just like that the sealed door to Southern Command bursts open, a lone figure stepping out. _

**Mitchell: **Hello.

**Cartwright: **You have got to be kidding me.

* * *

_Stepping out from the elevator, Hale suddenly finds himself inside the hanger. Wide and open, the place like everywhere else is full of Chimera._

**British Soldier 1: **_(Approaching him)_ Sergeant, we need your help. Captain Mitchell is trying to take back the high ground, but we can't break through!

**Hale: **Wait, Mitchell is here?

_Both of them looking up, they suddenly see someone falling from up high, screaming before landing with a splat on the cement floor._

**British Soldier 1: **Well, Mitchell was here.

**Hale: **Don't worry about the grammar. As long as he's de ...

_Unfortunately at this moment the man chooses to pick himself up, dusting off his shirt. He is completely unharmed._

**Mitchell: **Damn unworthy ground.

**Hale: **How on earth are you still alive? You landed right on your neck!

**Mitchell: **This neck has been keeping my head pointing straight up for over thirty years. I'm capable of withstanding nuclear weaponry.

**Hale: **Really?

**Mitchell: **Well sure. As long as hit between my head and shoulders.

* * *

_Reaching the end of Southern Command, Hale turns a corner. And completely out of nowhere he is confronted with a Stalker, cannons raised._

**Hale: **I've just been ambushed by something the size of a small building. This has got to be my lowest moment.

**Cartwright: **_(Hatch opening)_ Hello there, Hale.

**Hale: **And now I have someone to share it with. Going to explain how you got in there?

**Cartwright: **Nope.

**Hale: **Then how about letting me in?

**Cartwright: **And nope again. Don't get me wrong, normally I would. But seeing as I just found out you were the one who stole all that petrol, I figure I'll just leave you here while I go on a rampage in my shiny new spider mech. Bye! _(Closes hatch)_

_Standing there, Hale can only watch as Cartwright drives off in the Stalker, tearing into the turrets and Titans already._

**Hale: **This is really getting old.

* * *

**Bracknell**

* * *

**Parker: **Southern Command was lost, and almost half of our troops were lost with it. If it not for my own heroism in rescuing the ice cream, many fewer would have been killed. Thankfully my plan with Captain Mitchell worked perfectly, though I'm not quite sure what it was. Actually I'm not even sure I had a plan full stop, but in the end everything worked out. So we'll just pretend I did.

**Parker: **Anyway having bought time for the transports we began evacuation. We were ferrying the survivors to a make shift camp in Cardiff, and to prove it I'm going to now show you an arrow pointing there. See? Those things never lie. Hale was looking over a map of the known power conduits when I found him, upon which I decided to continually shake his arm until he acknowledged me. When this failed I settled for recruiting him into my latest and greatest suicidal mission. He wasn't really willing at first, so I had to ... persuade him.

* * *

_Driving through the countryside of Bracknell, two British soldiers remain silent as their LYNX continues through the darkness. Finally one of them dares to speak._

**British Soldier 1: **Look, I know we've got orders from Parker. But I really don't understand what we're doing out here.

**British Soldier 2: **It's really not that hard to grasp. We're dropping Hale off at the Chimeran tunnels so he can track the power conduits.

**British Soldier 1: **_(Twisting his neck around)_ But then why is he in a sack?

**British Soldier 2: **It's camouflage.

**British Soldier 1: ** Okay. Then why is he gagged?

**British Soldier 2: **So the Chimera can't hear him coming.

**British Soldier 1: **And the chains?

**British Soldier 2:**According to Parker he likes a challenge.

**British Soldier 1: **Oh _(Shifting his view slightly)_ And the sack holding Mitchell? Is he going into the tunnels as well?

**British Soldier 2: **No, we just don't like him.

* * *

_After many hours of struggling Hale pulls free of his restraints, having been dumped right into the entrance of the Chimeran caverns. _

**Hale: **I want to get away, I get dragged back. I want to stay, I get bundled off in a bag. It's official. I am the only sane man left in Britain.

**Hale:** _(Looking over his back)_ Though I am talking to myself. I mean no one else is here but the Chimera and the bodies of masked soldiers. At least the latter is foreshadowing, so that makes it okay. I think.

**Hale: **And yet I'm still going on. Maybe I should see a therapist. Except all I did with that last one was sleep with her. Wow do I have issues.

_As Hale continues to debate his own psychosis, a group of Leapers have gathered further back in the caverns, watching him. _

**Leaper 1: **Hiss, hiss growl _(I don't understand, what is he waiting for?)_

**Leaper 2: **Growl, hiss, growl _(I know. I get out the tea and scones and this is how our visitor treats us?)_

**Leaper 1: **Hiss, growl, hiss _(I'm sure there must be a reason for it. After all it's not like the humans have misinterpreted all our attempts at hugging them as aggression and as such see us as monsters.)_

**Leapers 2: **Hiss, growl, hiss _(Indeed. Still, I suppose I had better take down the purple drapes.)_

**Leapers 1: **Growl, hiss, hiss _(But they go so well with the cushions!)_

**Leapers 2: **Hiss, hiss growl _(We don't have any cushions.)_

**Leapers 1: **Growl, growl, hiss _(Nooooooooooooooooo!)_

_

* * *

_

_Exiting the last of the tunnels, Hale steps into an elevator. Seeing as it takes him from the subterranean depths to the upper levels of the above tower, he is left waiting for quite a while._

**Hale: **Come on, hurry up!

**INSOMNIAC:**Don't worry, the cutscene skips over this.

**Hale: **What was that?

**INSOMNIAC: **Nothing.

**Hale: **Of course, you've only said that five times now. Why did I think this one would be any different?

_Elevator finally reaching its destination, Hale looked around at the wide misty chamber in which he had arrived. It was apparently as high as he could go, but that discovery was quickly put aside in favour of a conveniently close rocket launcher_

**Hale: **Awesome. Now if only I had something to test it out on.

_Suddenly from all around him hordes of Menials appear, shambling towards him from behind the pillars and consoles of the room._

**Hale: **It's moments like these which make it all worthwhile.

* * *

_Now at the very top the tower, Hale turns the last of the two switches. Stepping back, he can only watch as the door before him opens, revealing the Stalker behind it. _

**Hale: **Yeah, you would have been a threat about two days ago. Bye, bye!

_Moving forward, the Stalker at this very moment triggers the Sapper mines, starts getting pounded by a launched Hailstorm and takes a rocket to the face. It's dead in moments._

**Hale: **I still swear this thing looks familiar. Where have I seen these spider mechs before?

_Shrugging the American moves on, a sigh of relief being exhaled from a nearby vent as he leaves the room. Inside, fur singed, is a Lombax and his ever present robotic backpack._

**Ratchet: **Try again Insomniac said. There's no way he could beat you twice in a row they said. Do they want me dead? Do they want to get us annihilated? That last explosion was this close to killing me.

**Clank: **Perhaps we should give up while we're ahead, Ratchet?

**Ratchet: **Oh so you're quitting? That is just typical. Whenever things get tough you quit. Every, single, time!

**Clank: **At least my entire race didn't abandon me on some desert planet!

**Ratchet: **At least my race isn't made up of mechanical fireflies who can't think for themselves!

**Clank: **At least I don't cough up fur balls!

**Ratchet: **At least I'm over six inches tall!

**Clank: **Orphan!

**Ratchet: **Nerd!

**Clank: **Organic!

**Ratchet: **Lunchbox!

* * *

_Again in the state of California stands Insomniac Games Headquarters. Ted Price once more in his office at the top of the building, a Black Ops soldier is kneeling before him._

**Ted Price: **You have done well, my apprentice.

**Black Op 1: **What is thy bidding, my master?

**Ted Price: **I have weaved an intricate web of lies around Hale. Even now I manipulate him into our clutches.

**Black Op 1: **Really, sir? Because all I've seen you do is make useless comments over his radio.

**Ted Price: **That's what I said, a web of lies.

**Black Op 1: **Of course, master.

**Ted Price: **Incompetent though your agents are, continue your search. Though I tell you if they weren't all scheduled for the sequel I would kill them myself this very moment. Despite these setbacks we will have Hale. He will join us or die.

_Getting up the Black Ops soldier leaves with a bow, Ted Price now on his own in the room. Leaning back he laughs, cackling like a madman before suddenly stopping._

**Ted Price: **Strange, this is just how we ended the last chapter.


	5. London, bridges are falling down

**London**

**

* * *

Parker:** I was in Cardiff when Hale contacted me using the radio, or rather attempted to contact me. Apparently using my equipment to listen to my favourite talkshow instead of scanning military frequencies wasn't as great an idea as initially thought. Ignoring all that Hale told me he was in London, and asked whether snow was normal for July. I told him it was for certain parts of the Southern Hemisphere. Hale told me to shut up.

**Parker:** He informed me of a tower, far bigger than the one in Somerset. Overcompensation aside he believed it was vital to the continued functioning of the Chimera. For all I knew Hale was completely mad, at the very least I knew he smelled of cookies. And even if he was telling the truth we had no idea on how to actually destroy the tower.

**Parker: **But we had one new factor working in our favour. I had managed to contact the Americans, and they had rendezvoused with our forces in Cardiff. After all their officers simultaneously frothed at the mouth and fell into comas I volunteered them for the mission. Their goal would be to do all the work and take all the casualties while us British got all the glory. So you know, standard procedure.

**Parker:** I was relying on Hale to clear out a landing zone. If he couldn't take care of the Stalkers, then I dunno, I guess we'd have to walk or something.

_Sliding down a steep bank of snow Hale finds himself in an abandoned mall, broken furniture and spoiled food everywhere._

**Hale: **Well this place is definitely interesting. I bet it would be great for up to sixteen people fighting in a competitive match either as a team or in a free for all.

_Slowly moving forward Hale peeks around a corner. In the distance is a large group of Hybrids and Steelheads. Pressed to the wall he contemplates his arsenal. _

**Hale:** Okay let's see. I could use my Carbine, Bullseye, Reapers, Rossmore or Auger. _(Digging through his pockets)_ Or perhaps I could use my Fareye, Arc Charger, Hailstorm, Sapper or Dragon. _(Pulling them free along with copious amounts of rubber ducks and mouse traps)_ But I still like the LAARK and Splitter, and they're all so conveniently invisible and weightless unless they're in my hands!

_Suddenly he notices that while he was talking the Chimera have surrounded him on all sides. There are about twelve guns pointing at his face._

**Hale: **Son of a...

* * *

_Jumping down from the upper story of a building, Hale is now outside in a large open square. In the distance two VTOL's can be seen flying towards him. _

**Hale:** Watch out guys, I don't want my awesome new tank getting shot down by a Stalker.

**VTOL Pilot:** Don't worry sergeant, everything appears to be clear.

**Hale: **_(Peering)_ Hold that thought, I think I see one over by that building.

**VTOL Pilot:** There's nothing there.

**Hale: **No I'm certain. He's targeting you!

**VTOL Pilot: **I don't believe in Stalkers.

**Hale: **_(Yelling) _He's shooting at you right now! You've got a bullet in the gut!

**VTOL Pilot: **Still not buying it.

_Hale watches as the helicopter crashes with an annoyed look on his face, hitting the ground and bursting into flames. In the distance the hatch of the Stalker opens._

**Ratchet: **Revenge is mine, jerk!

* * *

_Standing next to Parker, Cartwright and her watch as the helicopters and tanks pass them. Everything they had available heading straight for London. _

**Cartwright: **Note to self: This is going to be awesome.

**Parker: **Don't get too excited, most of the battle is going to be off screen. There's no way our animation budget could cover something like this.

**Cartwright: **So we don't get anything?

**Parker: **Not unless you count the same black and white photos and long factual rants which have occupied most of the game so far.

**Cartwright: **I'll take that as a no then.

**Parker: **_(Offering a plate)_ Crumpet?

**Cartwright: **Yes, please.

* * *

_Looking out through a window, Hale sees the Stalker on the building opposite his. Currently he is counting the ways a tank would be useful in this situation. _

**Hale:** Number 62) I could have used the tank as a shield while I set up my LAARK. Number 63) I could have rammed the tank into the building and collapsed it on the Stalker.

_Of course the Stalker notices the complaining, and decides that it really doesn't appreciate Hale being such a whiny ass. With a whir it opens fire. _

**Hale: **_(Running) _Number 64) I could have rigged the tank's controls and used it as a distraction. Number 65) I could have set my bullets on fire using the tank's fuel. Number 66) I could have trained a band of feral racoons and...

_It is at this moment that Hale notices that he is no longer being shot at. Looking out the window he sees the Stalker is now a twisted wreck and a column of tanks is trundling past. _

**Hale: **It's probably for the best. Racoons have terrible discipline anyway.

* * *

_The tanks having just finished crossing the bridge, Captain Buckler and his men are assembled. Standing before them, he begins._

**Buckler: **Soldiers, things right now are a mess. Goliaths are approaching from behind and the only way we can stop them is to destroy these two bridges. The Chimera are everywhere in this city, so we've been tasked with protecting the demolition teams while they lay down the charges. Any questions?

**British Soldier 1: **Why can't I get a girlfriend?

**Buckler:** ...Any relevant questions?

**British Soldier 2: **Why did I sign up for this?

**Buckler: **...Relevant questions from someone who isn't a total bitch?

_Complete silence._

**Buckler: ** Yeah that's what I thought. Anyway moving on, you may have noticed the American with us. And yes, he is the protagonist. And you all know what that means. It's highly likely that we're all about to die extremely sudden and pointless deaths.

_There is lots of sighing and groaning from the soldiers._

**Buckler: **Yeah I don't exactly like it either, but look at this way. Without us dying the Chimera wouldn't look nearly as dangerous, and who knows? Maybe someday people will even write fanfiction about us. Perhaps in the form of a mildly entertaining parody which isn't updated nearly as often as it should be.

**British Soldier 1: **Really, sir?

**Buckler: **No. Now go out there and die pointlessly already!

* * *

_The first bridge destroyed and all the soldiers dead Hale steps into the wrecked tunnels of the subway station. Unfortunately despite their slogan the Chimera do not make the trains run on time, possibly due to the fact that they have all been explosively derailed. _

**Hale: **_(Looking outside) _I'm still waiting on those environmental reforms as well.

_Continuing onwards, killing anything which might even consider asking for his ticket, Hale moves from the station into the frozen ridges of the river. Walking through it, he comes across a group of soldiers in the snow. _

**Hale: **Hey, didn't expect to see anyone else down here. What are you guys doing?

**British Soldier 1: **Reconnaissance.

**Hale: **Looks like you're making snowmen.

**British Soldier 1: **It can be two things.

**Hale: **Isn't this irresponsible? Having fun while your friends and allies die in a war which could very well decide the fate of humankind?

**British Soldier 1: **Probably.

**Hale:**_(Scratching his head)_ Can I join you?

* * *

_Shoving aside a corpse Hale detonates the charges under the second bridge, Goliaths apparently able to deal with entire military taskforces but not a small fall. Everything collapsing behind him he runs through a tunnel, coming across Cartwright. Seated in the back of a LYNX the Lieutenant finishes off a Stalker with the turret._

**Cartwright: **Damn it!

**Hale: **We could have used that.

**Cartwright: **I know, I was only trying to...wait, that's it?

**Hale: **What?

**Cartwright: **That was your last official line of dialogue for the game.

**Hale: **Really? There haven't been many.

**Cartwright: **Tell me about it. Apart from one or two cutscenes you're practically a mute.

**Hale:** I suppose in order to remain faithful to the source material I shouldn't talk anymore.

**Cartwright: **...

**Hale: **Screw that.

* * *

_It stood before them, four gigantic legs supporting massive guns and thick armour. Humming and groaning as it stepped forward, Hale and Cartwright could only stare at the massive monolith before them. _

**Hale: **_(From the Stalker's hatch) _A Goliath?

**Cartwright: **A Goliath?

**Parker: **_(Over the radio)_ A Goliath?

**Snake: **Metal Gear?

_Everyone glares at the bandanna wearing, cigarette smoking mercenary over to the left._

**Snake: **Sorry.

* * *

_Having fought through the Goliath and into the tower, Hale with a final LAARK rocket kills the Widowmaker before him. Vomiting explosives globules everywhere as it dies, the Sergeant runs to the wounded Cartwright. _

**Hale: **There's too much blood. I can't stop the bleeding!

**Cartwright:** Hale, before I die. There's something I need to tell you.

**Hale: **It's okay, Cartwright. We'll get through this.

**Cartwright: **No, it's important. Hale...

**Hale: **Yes?

**Cartwright: **I...

**Hale: **Yes?

**Cartwright: **I lo... I lov...

**Hale: ** YES?

**Cartwright: **I love you!

**Hale: **...

**Cartwright: **...

**Hale: **You mean like a brother?

**Cartwright: **No.

**Hale: **Like a best friend?

**Cartwright: ** No.

**Hale: **...

**Cartwright: **...

**Hale: **Oh.

* * *

_Having abandoned the Lieutenant out of sheer awkwardness and heterosexuality, Hale delves ever deeper into the depths of the tower._

**Hale: **You know when all this is over I think I'll write a book. I'll call it "The Gathering Storm" and it'll star me. I'll introduce tons of characters only to kill them off, and then at the end I'll murder the President. Best Seller!

_Before he can elaborate further on his plot hole filled novel, the Sergeant is interrupted. Coming down from above, suddenly an Angel is blocking the entrance in front of him. Large and intelligent, it's sure to manipulate Hale into doing all kinds of-_

**Angel: **Blarg!

_Or maybe it's just going to scream in his face and fly away, that works too._

**Hale: **Well that was anticlimactic.

_Suddenly the Angel comes back and impales him on a tentacle. _

**Hale: **_(Cough)_ Better...

* * *

_Having followed the power conduits for some time Hale strides into what appears to be the centre of the tower, containing four glowing rods and lots of Chimera. _

**Hale: **_(Turning on his radio) _Okay I've found the reactor. What do I need to do?

**Parker: **You need to cause a meltdown. The chain reaction should destroy the tower and all the others in the network.

**Hale: **Right. So how do I go about doing that? Should I find a control panel or...

**Parker: **Oh Hale, you're so silly. Just shoot the rods!

**Hale: **Excuse me?

**Parker: **Just fill them with bullets.

**Hale: **Parker, it doesn't work like that. Even assuming the Chimera have absolutely no safeguards at all, blowing up the reactor by itself isn't going to cause a meltdown. Best case scenario: the Chimera invest heavily in batteries.

**Parker: **Hale will you just shut up and save god damn Britannia already?

**Hale: **Fine! _(Emptying his gun into the rods) _There, happy? I literally just destroyed the last ounce of sense and logic in this game. I hope you're proud.

_Because the universe hates him the tower immediately begins to shake and fall apart. Hale nearly being crushed as fire and wreckage falls from the roof._

**Hale: **Parker, are you there? The whole place is breaking up? Parker, can you hear me? How do I get out of here? How do I get out of here alive?

**Parker: **Alive, Sergeant?

* * *

_VTOL hovering near the base of the tower, flames and Chimera are flaring from every opening. Standing at the door of the helicopter, Parker is arguing with the pilot._

**Parker: **We're too close. We've got to get clear!

**VTOL Pilot: **We're holding position. That's an order.

**Parker: **It's too late. No one's coming out of there!

**VTOL Pilot: **_(Squinting) _No, wait. I can see him!

**Parker:** He'll never make it.

**VTOL Pilot: **He's right there.

**Parker: **He wouldn't want us to risk our lives to save his.

**VTOL Pilot: **He's waving his arms and shouting at us!

**Parker: **_(Pulls out a pistol and fires)_ What about now?

**VTOL Pilot: **Well...he's clutching his shoulder and looking pissed.

**Parker: **Then our work here is done.

* * *

**Parker: **As the tower fell, the Chimeran creatures began to shriek and writhe on the ground. They died within minutes. Not before killing all the Americans though, so everything worked out in the end. As it happened the meltdown caused a chain reaction, destroying all the other towers in the network. At least in Britain the Chimera were defeated. Pity about all those other countries, except France, everybody hates France.

**Parker: **With combat subsided, soldiers have begun searching the rural villages for survivors. So far we've found 921 people, 78 of them children. We have since discovered that almost all of them are in some way related to Cartwright. I almost forgot he still liked women with all the gay jokes flying around.

**Parker: **As for Nathan Hale, his body was never recovered. A part of me still believes he might have escaped somehow. I even thought I heard his voice on the radio just after the tower exploded. Actually I know I heard his voice on the radio. We would have mounted a rescue operation or something, but I had a crossword back at base which just couldn't wait. I'm sure Hale will be fine. It's not like he's trapped in a frozen wasteland, heavily injured, possessing no supplies or weapons and about to be abducted by American Black Ops.

**Parker: **Oh wait...

* * *

_Battered and bloodied, Hale trudges through the snow. In his hand is his one remaining grenade. He feels forlorn and weary._

**Hale: **I feel forlorn and weary.

_Suddenly the roar of an engine comes into hearing, snowflakes going everywhere under the rotors. He sees a VTOL come into view. _

**Hale: **I see a VTOL coming into view.

_Landing on the frozen ground five Black Ops disembark, weapons loaded. As they surround him, Hale readies his grenade._

**Hale: **I ready my... you know what? Screw it.

**Black Op 1: **Hale, we're from Insomniac Games. We're here to take you to your sequel.

**Hale: **Well you can just... wait. You're taking me away from here?

**Black Op 2: **That's what I said.

**Hale: **Why didn't you say so? _(Dropping the grenade)_ How soon can we leave? Do you want to handcuff me? You can pistol whip me a few times if it'll help motivate you.

_Stepping into the vehicle Hale finds himself face to face with the leader of the team, Captain Blake, who shakes his hand._

**Blake: **Hello Sergeant. I've heard a lot about you from my sister.

**Hale: **Sister, sir?

**Blake: ** Yes, we're twins actually. Maybe you know her? She's in the British Resistance.

_Suddenly Hale gets an idea, a horrible, terrible, impossible idea. He stares at the Captain, who in turn stares back at him. _

**Blake: **_(Grinning) _Want to hear a long factual rant on the subject?

_Comprehension dawning on his face, Hale dives for the door as the helicopter takes off. It takes several men to restrain him._

**Hale: **No, the grenade! Let me have the grenade! I'll blow myself to hell. She won't find me there, they won't find me there!

_He screams all the way to Iceland, only stopping as they finally sedated him. Ted Price will be most pleased._

* * *

**And that's it folks. Hope you enjoyed Resistance Abridged, and with a bit of luck you had a few laughs along the way as well. Despite earlier plans I probably won't be continuing the series with the sequel, I actually feel a little burned out after just one game. Anyone else is welcome to try their hand at it if they want though, I can even provide some criticism if you're up for it. Whatever happens though, thanks for reading. Criticism and comments are appreciated.**


End file.
